Vile discontentedness

How is it that no matter what good happens to us we always find something else we want? Are we ever just content about our situation? Why is it that we always want more or we want things to be different?

Today I wasnt feeling well so I cancelled my tutoring. I figured it was unfair to give stomach flu to others who would do much better without it. While I was home, I got a call from the school i will be working at. They want me to supply teach this Tursday and Friday. Of course I jumped on the opportunity. Why not? But then I realized... My best friend is in town for a week and I dont think I am going to get to see her once. That is, see her alone and actually get to chat with her. All of a sudden i have what I have been asking for. Many students to tutor and a teaching job. Now, once i have it all, I am complaining in my head because it ruins the other things I want to do. How sinful!!!

I am so grateful and excited for my job. I praise God for it. But I ask forgiveness time and again because of these thoughts that are so selfish and discontented. I have been blessed with so much and yet I can still find the nerve to complain? to be unsatisfied?

I am thankful that I can see such things in my life. And I pray that I would continue to see them so that I might get control of them before they amount to much. But it is so sickning that we can act so ungrateful for such wonderful gifts. Praise God for his mercy and love. He sees us as perfect because of HIS gift: Christ.

Our sinful nature always does want more. It always wants something better. It always wants.

I met people in Africa who, as a wonderful gift to guests, offered them white bread and butter. Others, didnt even have that to offer but wished to give whatever services they had. They thanked God for giving them something to eat that day. And I can find the nerve to wish there was more time in the day? As it is, most of the time I dont know what to do with all the time I have. Its increadible the things we can make ourselves believe. THat we really need anything else. God provides us with every good thing we need. How dare I not be satisfied.

I hope to let this be an area in my life that i grow from. I want to work hard at it and to catch myself when I am in the act. The more I catch myself, the easier it will be to stop sooner. Eventually I will have a better hold on it, with God' s strength.

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; no good thing
does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

Psalm 84: 11