A perverse disturbance

Many of us live in our own little worlds. What i mean by that is we have our friends, our families, our daily lives and the corruption that surrounds us seems very rarely to have much effect on our lives. We dont tend to witness certain things that we know exist. And because of this, our little bubbles seem safe and remain unshaken.

My bubble was shaken the other night while i was sleeping. I was woken from sleep because my phone was ringing. I answered it, because thats what you do with a ringing phone. On the other end was a man. I thought i knew him so we chatted for less then thirty second. He asked me if i was sleeping... obviously if i am talking to him i am not sleeping. Eventually i was disturbed that i had no idea who it was i was talking with so i asked who it was. I really did think i knew him and so i thought he would tell me. What followed is what shook my world. He told me i knew him and then proceeded to say " Would it turn you on if i were to tell you i was feeling myself?" I hung up. I was disturbed, embarrased, scared... and what's worse, he called back. I let it ring.

I lay awake a while trying to make the voice go away. The scariest thing was that it was familiar. I thought i knew the person. Eventually i faded into sleep and was undisturbed by it.

It only returned to haunt me while in bible study last night. i was surrounded by people who love the Lord and i realized my fear. Not only of the phone call but of what happened. I didnt want to tell anyone. I was embarrassed, like some how it was my fault. I didnt want to ask for prayer because i was ashamed. Odd, no?

I fought tears for at least 20 mins in study. As well, i was falling asleep. It was so uncomfortable. At one point, i think i did start falling asleep and i felt Dave gently rub my arm, either to revive me or something. Knowing he was there was a comfort but i still didn't want to tell anyone. Especially Dave.

I think it got pretty obvious i was upset so Jo asked something and i just had to tell her a strange man called me last night. Then my mom called and while she was speaking to my mom she was filled in on what he said to me. So, in the end i guess some people were praying for me even though i was too embarrassed to say anything.

Dave drove me home and i wasnt able to tell him what the man said. I still cant word it right without writing it down. So, i wrote.

I didnt want to close my eyes last night. i was scared that some how there was some strange man in my house. But i derived comfort from God when i just thought on him. I let him remove the thoughts of whoever it was who called me, and fill my mind with good things.

What embarrasses me is maybe it was just some loser who was playing a prank. But either way it caused me to feel as though i had been violated. My ears wanted to hear no such thing and yet they did. I had no control over it. I think i can understand how people can be abused and not tell. There is a fear that doesnt make sense and an embarrassment that shouldnt be there as well as shame.